Mr. Red Swingline's Pages 'o Fun!

Where I've been

2004-02-06T13:28:00.000-06:00

Somehow, this map became all cracked out. Contrary to popular option, I haven't been to Angola, Tunisia, and Libya...nor Chile or most any of the countries that are currently showing up in red. I guess just ignore the map until it gets fixed.

create your own visited country map
or write about it on the open travel guide

New Ride

2004-02-04T19:35:00.000-06:00

Well it was time...and I honestly can say that I'm not sad to see it go.

R.I.P. 1988 Toyota Cressida

To replace it, I picked up a brand new Acura TSX today. Carbon Grey with a Grey interior. I spent the entire car ride home singing the new Outkast song... I love the way you move...I love the way you move

love it! LOVE it! LOVE IT!

...now, I just have to pay for it :-/

Wow and a month goes by...

2003-11-08T15:56:00.000-06:00

It is kind of funny. There is so much that I wanted to write in my blog, but I never seem to have the chance. And now that it is almost snowing here .... and I have some time, all the stuff that I wanted to write seems so...boring. To write about the end of September or October is pointless...too much happened and somehow the month just flew by. Oh well.

We'll see if I do any better this month. When I go to work each day, I literally spend 8 hours in front of a computer and so most afternoons when I come home, the last thing I want to do is spend more time in front of the computer typing out what I did. Besides that, most of what I do would be boring to just about everyone else. meh.

I had kind of a revelation today. For some reason, the scene from American Beauty where Mina Sorvino asks Kevin Spacey how he is doing just popped into my mind. You know, the one where the thinks introspectively for a second, smiles, and says that he's just fine. I think this whole thought came from the fact that one of my acquaintances from college IMed me yesterday morning and asked me how I was doing -- and what I was doing. And I did the exact same thing. I'm...just...fine.

Most of y'all don't realize, but that is a big jump from where I was a month or two ago. The first few months of building for my company have been very difficult. My mentor is never around -- he's overworked with 7 or 8 clients...and most of my team members, while being cool, were too busy to really show me what I needed to be doing. I was very frustrated that I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing...or what order to do it in...or even how to do it. To say that I was frustrated was a huge understatement. My what a few months can change.

One thing that I realized is that this is the exact environment that I thrive in. Once I got over the initial pissed-off-at-the-world mood, I gathered my resources and used them effectively to create a great project. Unlike some of my new teammates, I worked independently to get done what needed to be done...and I did a darn good job doing it. I've gotten kudos e-mails from people on other solutions thanking me for helping them (some from much experienced people). I got a really surprise e-mail last week from my mentor (who CC'd my boss) saying how good a job I had done w/ my client's system, especially considering that he hadn't gotten a chance to help me as much as he wished he could have. And in a response to that, one of the big project executives replied that the clients had traveled with her to another hospital to see how they were implementing our software and all they could talk about was how much they loved me....even the nurses who are always pissed off at me during our meetings. I guess I have been doing this all my life -- give me my work and a reasonable deadline and I'll do what I can to get the project done one time with good quality. Still, it is nice to hear it from neutral, or sometimes decidedly pessimistic, third-parties.

And now it is amazing how everything has changed in the 2 months since I've started building. All the new people come to me to ask me how to do something.... Yesterday, I taught a class that I took during my July training and got great ratings from the new associates who were there. I also took a look at my ratings from the multiple clients who I've started teaching when they come in for their visit 4's and I was consistently getting very positive comments. Who knew that when I started in my department just over 2 months ago that I'd be teaching classes to the clients and to new hires? Who knew that I'd be the expert in just under 2 months time of building? I still have my issues -- and I still use my resources, but it is fun to be needed. And it feels even better to be successful in an environment where I could have been very unsuccessful.

I'm just fine! Thank you, UT friend, for bringing that to my attention. You just made my day.

New Blanket

2003-10-07T19:37:00.000-05:00

Oh...so much to write about...and not enough time to do it in.

But here's a quickie....

Should I be disconcerted if my new blanket's washing directions say: Maching wash warm delicate separately. Do not bleach. Do not use water or fabric softeners....

Things that make you go hmmmmmm

Time flies...

2003-09-15T18:13:00.000-05:00

So today I get to my desk not really feeling like doing anything and basically feeling/looking like shit. And as I sit at my desk, I start to think about what I have to do. Since my client hadn't turned anything in yet and none of my co-workers had anything, I just kind of spaced out. I mean, it looked like I was working. I was clicking a few websites and tweaking a program that I wrote 2 weeks ago (no, not one to rip off the company of fractions of pennies) and then looked up and realized that it was 11:33

It is kind of scary when you look at the clock at 8:30 and then the next time you look at it, it is 11:33 -- and you don't know what you did with that time.

Oh well...my afternoon was semi-productive

Weekend of Labor

2003-09-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

Last weekend my father came to visit me in KC. It was fun...he was just like me, expecting an intellectual wasteland only be surprised with the amount of stuff that KC has going for it.

Really, it makes sense since there are fields of grain for hours around here. Everyone descends on the city in the weekend...and make it a pretty happening place.

We had a good time, even though it rained like 15" during the weekend. We saw President Truman's Library and Home in Independence, MO (just a short 15 min drive away). The next day we went to the Nelson-Atkins and the Kemper Modern Art Museum. Now, I really have been spoiled by the Kimbell Art Museum, the Modern Art Museum, and the Amon-Carter Art Museum in Fort Worth and the DMA in Dallas. I just expect other museums to be as large - with huge collections like these in places that I live. And places that I have traveled to have had huge collections too - London, Paris, Madrid, Amsterdam, NYC, Chicago...

Well not KC. The Nelson-Atkins has to have been a WPA project - so it reminds me of Fair Park in Dallas. I constantly think that I'm at the State Fair (I'm waiting for Big Tex to welcome me with "Howdy folks, welcome to the state FAIR of Tex-As!"). Still it only has one Renoir, one Monet...some artifacts and then several good pieces of art from minor painters. Right now they have a decent show from Baltimore, MD with more minor works from semi-major painters...but it just doesn't compare to Monet in the Mediterranean or Matisse/Picasso, A Gentle Rivalry or Renior: Portraits of an Age. I guess I was disappointed...but it is better than nothing.

The Kemper Modern was a little better. It is much smaller than just about any museum I have ever been to. It is jsut big enough to not be called a gallery, but it isn't really a museum. They have a restaurant that looks good there and has been given the best Zagat rating ... so I need to go try it. But they had these works of art from a guy who uses a lot of fun colors to represent normal things. He paints cupcakes and highways and hills (a lot of stuff looked like the hills of San Francisco) but he paints them in a way that their perspective is really odd. For example, the hills looked to be straight up and down, but they have cars and trucks still on the road. From a realist standpoint, there is no way that the cars could be on that road...but if you stood at the right vantage point, you could probably see how his perspective is really possible. It's cool!

We also ate our way around town. I finally tried KC BBQ. Man, what a mistake. We went to one of the two original BBQ restaurants in KC to try the famous stuff. It was horrible. The meat was completely dried out and didn't taste very good. They also didn't have the usual BBQ fixins: no pickles, no onions, no potato salad, no cole slaw, no nothing. They have meat and french fries. That's it.

The actual sauce that you could put on your meat was pretty good. It is a lot sweeter than I'm used to, but it was good. Still, even with good sauce, you can't make up for bad meat. Man, I miss Texas.

We also went to eat at this really, really good steakhouse. I called about 30 mins before we went to get reservations at this place. When we got there, they made us wait another 30 mins before seating us. So they gave a free $10 appetizer and $10 piece of cake. Plus, it was Prime Rib Sunday so we got a pound of Prime Rib for $16 and it was to die for. KC was once a huge meat area (heck, the Chisolm Trail came here from Fort Worth to slaughter cattle) so I'm not really surprised that KC beef would be as good as TX's.

Past that, I spent most of the weekend keeping my dad busy and trying to stay dry. All in all, it was a good vacation.

Clients

2003-09-06T20:14:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was so excited to hear that I was the first one of our group to be given a client to work with through their implementation. It was exciting because it means that I’ll have purpose in my life as soon as they get their act together and sign off on their deliverables (as opposed to doing random projects until I was assigned one). It also means that I’ll have a full implementation under my belt faster = more experience. So I hoping that will make me look better for a possible overseas stint. I’ve already decided that if I get the chance to be in the UK for an extended period of time, that I’m going to spend every penny that I make on traveling Europe. It would be better than Spain…I’d have the time and money! Que guay, no?

Anyway…so two weeks ago, the clients came in town for their 2nd meeting (of 5 total meetings). I was introduced as their builder for my part of the implementation…which was a trip considering it was my first week of real work in my new position. They started asking me questions which were a little too much for me so I had to really rely on my mentor to take the reigns and help them.

In a week or two, they’ll have most of their stuff on and I’ll get to start building it. Unfortunately, my client is here in KC…so that means that I won’t get to travel to some far off place (one of my co-workers is going to the Caymans for her client – rough life huh?) for the last integration testing and cut-over. But that’s okay, because when I have questions, I can literally go right across the street to get the answers.

Couch

2003-09-06T19:59:00.000-05:00

When we last left Mr. Swingline, he was waiting for his PB couch to come. And it finally came. After 3 or 4 delivery attempts, I was the proud owner of a PB Basic couch. And I love it.

I had to sell my soul to the devil, give away my first born, and curse the delivery people to get it here – but oh what a wonderful piece of furniture.

During our OC/Real World nights, my apartment friends take over the couch before I even get a chance to sit on it. So it is now been deemed THE couch of couches.

Thank god.

Bum

2003-09-06T19:56:00.000-05:00

I know that I've been a bum because I haven't written lately...so I'll try to update everyone in multiple posts this weekend....

Does that satisfy you?

Okay, enough waiting

2003-08-21T17:33:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting for hours for the delivery people and they still haven't come. Enough already, I want my couch!

Texas!

2003-08-19T18:29:00.000-05:00

For all of you who don't seem to understand my Texas slant...here's a guide to Texans and how we think. Unfortunately, most of it is true (at least for me):

You Know You Are From Texas If:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
4. You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in it, no mater what time of the year.
5.You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store. (note: in the portion above "fix-in-to" is one word....)
6 All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables for your own car.
9. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
l0. You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco.
11. You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
12. You think sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
13. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
14. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
15. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
16. You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm
17. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
18. You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.
19 Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal- Martin" or "off to Wally-world".
20. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
21. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand of flavor.

Stupid W-S

2003-08-18T13:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I found the perfect rug for my apartment. And it was only $20 on sale at Williams-Sonoma.com!

Today, I check my order and they don't have it anymore. Poo on them! They should update their inventory real-time!

That really didn't make my Monday!

Payday!

2003-08-16T14:41:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like downloading your activity from your bank and realizing that yesterday was payday!

Who knew I'd ever be so happy to see money direct deposited?

Sweet, sweet nectar of the gods

2003-08-16T14:39:00.000-05:00

Last night was a ton of fun. I went to a friend's apartment for a party at her place while we waited for everyone else to show up. Now somehow, I have been given the nickname "Margarita Mr. Swingline" because after one week, they have become legendary.

Naturally, that meant that I spent most of the night making them. The nice part is that I controlled the amount of tequila that went into them (which means they were strong) and that I didn't really pay for any of the alcohol (a major plus!). So after I got everyone (including myself) completely trashed on what I must say were damn good margaritas, we all headed out to the local club.

Now I'm not sure what I was expecting...maybe something more Austin-y...but this club was actully pretty nice. However some of the people there were total "sketchballs". While dancing the night away in a drunken stupor, "Cage Dancing Mr. Swingline" came out of his shell and had a good time. After I left, I got a call from several of my other friends that they had just been kicked out of the club.

All in all, I'd say our little group had a good night on the town!

In related news: the evidence of last nights activities had better not see the light of day if someone knows what's good for her! ;-)

Midwestern Folk

2003-08-14T17:58:00.000-05:00

I overheard a funny story that was being told in the cube next to mine. I laughed so hard...yet it is so very, very morbid.

So this girl's sister goes out with her [sister's] husband on a "date" and they leave their children with the mother-in-law. When they get back, they notice that the kids are acting a little odd. The parents try to talk with them...but the kids just aren't paying attention and don't know what is happening.

So finally the sister asks the mother-in-law if she noticed anything weird about the kids. The mother-in-law says no. And the sister thinks for a second when the mother-in-law butts in "Well, I accidentally gave the kids some wine coolers, and they liked them...so I let them finish them." Yup, that's right, the 4- and 5-year old children were drunk. In fact, the 4-year old ended up passing out before the night was over.

This, apparently, was the mother-in-law who thought it would be nice to take one of the kids' dresser drawers outside and fill it with dirt when the kid asked for a worm farm.

Now I'll let you decide: Midwesterners or one crazy woman?

Messican Food Experience #1

2003-08-11T21:27:00.000-05:00

One of a series of mexican food experiences...

Dear lord, I've found Joe T's of this city. For those of you not lucky enough to be from my hometown, Joe T's is the tourist mexican food place on the north side that all the tourists visit, but no self-respecting local would be caught dead eating at (I hear their margaritas are good though). They have 2 items on the menu. Those items change each day. If you don't like those 2 items, than tough. But for some idiotic reason, all tourists love Joe T's. They think it's authentic.

So tonight I went searching for good Mexican Food. I made my way to the hispanic area of town looking for a specific restaraunt. When I got there, the name was changed to something un-mexican-foody so I skipped out on it and went down the street looking for something a little more "authentic"

Which is when I found Manny's.

It looked like a possibly good mexican food restaraunt. There were bars over the windows...some corona and tecate neon signs inside...even a Dos Equis sign outside! So I thought that I was safe going in.

What a mistake.

My first clue that this was the tourist place was that the only hispanic looking person in the entire place was the hostess. If even the hispanics won't eat there, then it probably isn't gonna be that good. But I stuck it out....then the waitress came

Waitress (picture: old, white woman w/ frizzy hair): Honey (it was more like hoooonnneeeyy) can I git chou sumpn'?
Me: Um...well, I'd like a water
Waitress: Muh hummmm....and to eat?
Me: Do you have the sour cream sauce for your enchiladas
Waitress: Our en-chill-lad-das are served with some red junk and cheese...but I know what chor takin' bout. (I wish I was kidding about the junk word)
Me: Okay...well I guess I do the La Melodia
Waitress: La May-lo-di-a, it'll be like a sweet song!
Me: I'm sure.
Waitress: Chou want some sour creme with that may-lo-di-a?
Me: Um, I think I'll be just fine without it.

So all the signs were pointing to this being a bad experience. She couldn't speak English, she couldn't speak Spanish...and I was getting something that had red "junk" on top of it.

Then the food came out. It was presented very nicely on a dirty dish cart (you heard me correctly). She just pushed her cart around with the dishes and handed them out. And what was on top of my tostada and taco? What kind of cheese did this supposedly mexican food restaraunt use?

PARMESIAN CHEESE!!!

How ghetto is that? I'm all for inter-cultural mixing...but parmesian cheese is a big no-no in my book. So I finished my dinner quickly (including the enchilada with red junk on it) and got the hell out of that place.

I won't be gracing it with my patronage EVER again.

Let There Be Light!

2003-08-09T20:33:00.000-05:00

I know that I haven't updated in a while... this past week was awesome. We left early every day and I passed all required tests so that's always good. I also got placed into the position that I wanted to be in...so everything is good for a while.

-------

So I talked with my mother today. And it just amazes me how mothers think. Of all the things that she could be worried about (drunkeness, sex, drugs, dying car, poverty, homelessness, world hunger, terrorism, George Bush...you get the picture), she determines that I don't have enough light.

Mom: I'm worried that you don't have enough light in your apartment
Me: I have plenty of light. There are several fixtures and I have 4 lamps.
Mom: But I just don't want you to get down, especially in the winter when you won't have much light
Me: I am just a few states north of where I used to live mom, it won't be an issue
Mom: Well I'm worried...maybe I should get you another lamp
Me: I'm okay, I promise. I don't need any other lamps
Mom: Are you sure?
Me: Yes
Mom: Well, I just worry...

Now I love her to death....but my gosh. Isn't she supposed to be asking me if I'm eating my vegetables or washing behind my ears? I mean, who thinks that not enough light is a MAJOR CRISIS!?!?!?

Oh well...I guess I can't fault her for thinking about me.

Why I Love This Week's Training, by Mr. Red Swingline

2003-08-04T17:20:00.000-05:00

1. Not starting work until 8:30am
2. Re-learning SQL repackaged with a "GO" statement and called CCL (Yay! One less thing to learn)
3. 2-hour lunch (mmmm.. Margherita pizza + bowl of tomato basil soup = $5.10 in company cafe...and good too!)
4. Being promised to be out of class by 4:30 pm
5. Getting out of said class at 4:10
6. All of this happening on a Monday

All in all, I'd say it was a good day!

Watch Out For the Locals

2003-08-03T18:36:00.000-05:00

A conversation I had with a local grocery clerk today:

Me: Do you sell Triple Sec?
Grocery Clerk: Do we have triple shots?
Me: No, Triple Sec...?
Clerk: What do you want a triple shot of?
Me: You know, it is a liqueur for margaritas?
Clerk: I don't know what you are talking about. Have you tried ginger ale?
Me: I give up
Clerk: Tequila is just one aisle over, can't you see it?
Me: NO, TRIPLE SEC!
Clerk: I've never heard of it are you sure that's what you are looking for?

On the plus side, I saved $10 by buying my Jose at Costco rather than the liquor store or the grocery store. So now, I can make my margaritas in style and laugh at the plebian masses.

Adios Celia Cruz

2003-08-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

Well, I know this is a little belated...but I wanted to say goodbye to Celia.

Many of you out there in cyberland may be wondering who she is...but after seeing the memorial to her on Sabado Gigante (hey, I was flipping through channels), I thought I might say a little something.

I first read about her on American Airlines' spanish-language magazine (Nexos) coming back from Zurich earlier this year. Why this magazine hadn't been taken out of the 767, I don't know...as it should only be there for flights to S. America (I bet my plane came from Santiago to Zurich through Dallas). But it was there. And there was a very interesting article in it about her life with some suggestions from her.

She lived the American dream and made something for herself after fleeing from Cuba. Besides the records that she made (I think it was like 70 records), she was an extremely influential person in the production of other latin artists and had connections with many icons like Gloria Estefan. But what really came out of the article was her joie de vivre. She made every day count -- and had fun doing it too. She wore outrageous hairstyles and even more outrageous dresses...but still remained true to herself. Every picture that I have ever seen of her is of her smiling her large grin...like every day was the best day and things were only looking up.

I only hope that at 78 years young, that I still look as happy and excited as she did. But it reminds me of a wish that I learned in Spain when I was there the first time: salud, dinero, y tiempo para gozarla (health, wealth, and time to enjoy them). If there was anyone who exhibited this motto, it was her. She is probably one of the richest latinas ever -- but that never kept her from working harder for her fans.

So even if I only recently heard about you, Celia, and even if I haven't heard many of your songs, may your spirit and your work ethic be an example for us all to follow.

Adios, Celia

Why I love Target...

2003-08-02T21:36:00.000-05:00

1. Because it feels so up-scale when you say it with a french accent
2. Because it isn't as ghetto as K-Mart
3. Because the little plastic red baskets are so cute
4. Because I got a toaster and a blender there for under $40 and can now make some margaritas! Dear lord, I am saved!

On other fronts....I'm finding my way around my new city.
Today, I went to the Farmer's Market. And I was pleasantly surprised. Besides the normal rif-raf, I ran into some interesting people. Yes, the amish (mennonites?) do sell food. And one girl looked particularly angry at being in her bonnet and dress...Then you always have your buck-toothed grandma who can't hear a lick. But with all these characters around, I must have just lost a little of my brain. Thinking that I needed a FEW tomatoes, I ended up buying a HALF A PECK of tomatoes. Granted, they were only $1.50...but what am I gonna do with 25 FREAKING TOMATOES?!?!?!?!?

PB! PB! PB!

2003-08-02T15:27:00.000-05:00

Uh oh. It's a scheme....I can smell it already.

The day after I get paid, the Pottery Barn catalog comes.

Muts...resist...urge...to...buy...

PAY DAY!

2003-08-01T06:52:00.000-05:00

I got up this morning dreading the fact that I had to do another presentation about stuff that I didn't know about. And I know that I'll get grilled on whatever I say because the audience members will know the "truth" about what I'm presenting on. Isn't that a great project? They're probably thinking, "let's give them another impossible assignment and give them the least possible direction on what to do with it also!"

But I just looked at my bank account. And overnight, my account went from pitiful to almost "full" (or, at least, what I consider full). Granted, every cent that I earned will go to pay bills...but it changes your whole perspective. I can do this presentation! It doesn't matter if they try to tear me apart! It is much easier to hire someone than fire them! So do your worst world! I have money and that's all that matters (for the moment)!

Note to self: must remember that work isn't like college.

Newspaper Clippings #3

2003-07-30T18:46:00.000-05:00

Even if I don't agree with all this person said, I do find some humor in Linda Foley's letter to the editor. Her letter is below:

I have looked at a dozen maps and amendments to maps and variations of maps via the Internet and in the newspapers, and I am getting a headache.
I have failed to find rhyme or reason in any of the redistricting maps proposed by the Republicans. Perhaps it is because they are based on the illogical reasoning of Tom DeLay as he interprets a voter turnout of approximately 30 percent in November of 2002 as a screaming demand... for more Republicans in Congress.
However, as the pink, blue, green, yellow, orange, and tan shapes formed, reformed, melted together and broke apart on my computer screen -- not unlike psychedelic dancing elephants in a Disney film -- I realized that I was finding some interesting things hidden subliminally deep within the GOP maps.
Perhaps others have glimpsed them too: a dead duck, a crab, a king's crown, an outhouse, the White House, a sucker, a cockroach, a giant rat, a dimpled chad, a loyal dog, a hammer, a sock, a deaf ear, a map of Florida, a ticking bomb, a boomerang, and a heard of dead elephants.
I can hardly wait to see what the next map brings.

Newspaper Clippings #2

2003-07-30T18:39:00.000-05:00

Subtitle: Or Why I Love Maureen Dowd

At least there are some writers who use a vocabulary that is slightly higher than a 6th grader. Here are some of Maureen's words from a semi-recent column:

aesthete...bon vivant...duresse oblige...risibly...fulminated..."Kulturkampf"...buck-rake...nattering nabobs of negativism (extra points if you know who coined that phrase)...jeremiads...bloviation...censorious

Newspaper Clippings #1

2003-07-30T07:04:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, my father sends me newspaper clippings that he thinks I should read...or that might be interesting. I've saved a few to comment on...

So here's the first one:

This is from a cartoon called The Boondocks. I've never heard of it, but apparently they've picked it up in the local newspaper:

Girl: I wonder if Condoleezza Rice has a friend she spends all day on the phone yapping to.
Guy: Who knows? I've never even thought of that.
Girl: And does she say things like, "Gurl, you won't believe what happened today. I had to put Donald Rumsfeld in check when he started talkin' all crazy...umm-hmm, gurl...f'real..."

Now this may not be the funniest thing that you have ever seen. But when I saw it, I laughed out loud. It's too bad that good 'ole Condi is getting tarnished b/c she actually seemed like she had a brain.

Note To Self: Don't Open The Door

2003-07-28T21:03:00.000-05:00

So this guy just comes around and knocks on my door. He says hello...says he's one of my neighbors (which is obviously incorrect as he could never afford this sort of apartment complex on a high schooler's salary!) <--That's not rude, just reality.

Anyway...he tells me how he's trying to help orphaned children by selling enough magazines to go on a trip to London. Now how does his trip to London help orphaned children? I didn't realize that what the orphaned children needed most was a trip to Europe... I mean, I guess it makes sense. They have no home. No parents. No family. No one to love them. But they could have this trip to London. Maybe I should have oferred to donate some AAdvantage miles? I mean, I could easily scrounge up enough for a one-way business class upgrade.

Just think how that conversation could go:
Child: Mr. Court-Appointed Parental Figure, can I go to London?
Mr. Court-Appointed Parental Figure: No...now be quiet and shut up!
Child: But if this guy I don't know sells enough magazines he gets to go to London!
Mr. Court-Appointed Parental Figure: I said be quiet and shut up!
Child: Well, have you ever been to the Tate Modern there? It has Da Vinci's last work! That's where I'm going!
Mr. Court-Appointed Parental Figure: Allright, that's it! No fish sticks until...until FOREVER!
Child: Oh no!
Mr. Court-Appointed Parental Figure: Buuuurrrrrppppp!

Anyway, I can just picture it happening.

Well, naturally, I said that I didn't want to buy any magazines, closed my door and locked it.

Note to self: Check the eyehole before opening the door again.

SAT Word Day!

2003-07-28T20:09:00.000-05:00

in·ju·ri·ous (in-joo-re-es)
adj.
1. Causing or tending to cause injury; harmful: eating habits that are injurious to one's health.
2. Slanderous; libelous: made injurious statements about his rival.
3. A very good word as determined by Lisa C.

You Find the Nicest People...

2003-07-28T06:54:00.000-05:00

I thought I might update everyone on the status of finding my 75 watt, incandescent bulbs (see earlier post):

This weekend, I decided that light bulbs were at the top of my to-do list. Naturally, Home Depot would be be best place to get them. So I trekked down to the nearest store (which is only like 10 minutes away) and, after being accosted by a homeless person trying to sell jumper cables, I entered in the store.

So I grab my normal light bulbs (Type A, of course) and take them to the check-out stand. Now, I don't know about other Home Depots up here -- but this one must have a history of being slow....because I am 10th in line to checkout. Only one checker is open. And she is waiting on a price check. Greeeeaatttt.
.
.
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So as I'm waiting and waiting and waiting. And as I'm in line, I hear this lady behind me talk about this grocery store chain where the produce is great, the selection is gigantic, and the prices are right. And how they have these automated check-out machines. Well naturally, I knew exactly what she was talking about! The only store like that had to be HEB, my 3rd favorite grocery store (after Randall's/Tom Thumb and Central Market [owned by HEB]) in the world. Turns out she was from San Antonio.

Anyway, we ended up spending the next 25 minutes talking about how wonderful HEB is and how they never had any lines. And if they had a line that was 26 people long (like the one we were standing in) that they'd open up at least 2 more checker stands. It was fun.

So my 45 minute trip from hell to get light bulbs turned into a reunion with a fellow expat.
Just makes your day, doesn't it?

Gentlemen, good night....Ladies, good morning

2003-07-27T17:52:00.000-05:00

I know I shouldn't like it...but I do.

So sue me

Messican Food!

2003-07-27T17:50:00.000-05:00

So some people warned me that I wouldn't find any good messican food up here in KC MO. And I didn't really believe them. I mean, there has to be some good stuff somewhere. The DQ turned Taco Shack down the street from me looks a little weird...but I'm sure their food is good.

That is...until I went to Lawrence this weekend. Now for y'all who don't know, Lawrence is the home of KU and it makes College Station look big (no offense to my A&M buds).

And what do mine wandering eyes find there?
Nothing less than a *insert drumming noise*

Carlos O'Kellys
"fine mexican food"

Now I'm starting to wonder... Do you think Hula Hut, Chuy's, Trudy's, or El Arroyo would be interested in franchise opportunities?

General malaise

2003-07-27T17:46:00.000-05:00

So I was surfing one of my favorite sites when I came upon this:

Dare to Slack: When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.

I had forgotten how true these truisms were.

Extreme Fajitas!

2003-07-27T17:44:00.000-05:00

Well as we all know, training sucks....especially the first day

But there was somthing about our "facilitator" which was just a little odd. I couldn't figure it out. Was it that whenever he did any gesture, it looked like he was a flight attendant (and there are two over the wing exits...)? Well, yeah...that was the case, but there was something else.

I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Luckily, someone in my group did. Unfortunately, my start group didn't come up with this picture. The group that started one week later did...but this is exactly what he looked like. And he could do the act perfectly.

Coincidence, I think not!

I'm a Dell-kid

2003-07-27T17:29:00.000-05:00

So I have a few stories to share from the previous weeks...

When I got my apartment, it was very apparent that I was going to have issues. Mainly because I have no furniture. So what did I do? Got lamps.

Well when they finally came, I was excited. I opened up the boxes and put them all together. But naturally, there were no light bulbs -- which is stupid! How do they expect you to use the damn lights that they send you with no blubs?

Anyway, the sticker says "Caution: danger of fire. Use only Type A light bulbs, 75 watt"
And I'm thinking: WTF? What are type A bulbs?

So I work my way over to the SunFresh market (which I would call ghetto mart if Fiesta Mart in Austin didn't already have that title in my heart) and spend literally 30 mintues staring at the light bulb section. I find type B and type C and flourescent and everything else under the sun. No Type A.

Here would be an appropriate time to say that I live in a nice area...but if you go too far in any direction, it isn't such a nice area. And being that this is the only grocery store that is close by...well some characters show up.

So I'm staring at these lights getting the "you're weird" look from people who I'd be surprised if they could tie their own shoes (and to that one lady: strech pants and a housecoat do NOT go together!). But I didn't really want to ask them because if I, a college educated student, couldn't figure out what a type A light bulb was, then they surely wouldn't know. Plus, I was scared to ask them...

So anyway, after deciding not to buy anything, I came home. 2 mins later on the internet, I found out what a type A bulb was.

It's a standard incandescent bulb.

Hello World Here I Come

2003-07-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

So all of my friends have blogs now...so what do I do? Do I hold out against this tyrannical desire? No, I did that with cell phones and I could only hold out so long...

This means: I finally caved in.

So welcome.

If you don't understand the reason for the name, then you obviously haven't seen one of the world's greatest movies, Office Space. So go rent/buy it and laugh your ass off!

Actually these are pretty funny sites too -
The Red Swingline Page
Put the Lumbergh "Um, yeah..." as your mail notification